Me.
A plain girl who realise her full potential is barely reached
Babysit, eating, sleeping and dancing is her best leisure ability
Loves her family & friends to bits
No life ahead without them in my life..
Currently 7hrs away from home
Right now loving the life she is leading in Adelaide only because there are so many things she got herself involved in..
And it is not worthless involvements, mind you..
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Thursday, June 30, 2005
just a thought i had to share
wow..guess what??i got 27/30 for my maths 3 quiz, 12.5/20 for my icapp quiz n i failed for my telecom principles!!i had 7/20.:( well just have to work harder for my term test next week but i don't seem to do anything man...i'm not even studying..haix...
anyways remember i told you sham was gona call me last night.well he did at 1+ in the morning..and yes we talked crap heee..i accompanied him all the way till 430am as he was watching the soccer match between argentina and brazil the finals...and brazil won 4-1!!i was so tired today since my class started at 8am...haix...anyways..well some parts i remembered about our talk was that he said he was afraid the 'past' might happen again...u know the one between d 3 confused fools!!hehexxx but i told him nope don't worry i reassure you i won't let it happen...i do not know if he believes but well i said my part..he also said that his mum prefers me to 'd other girl' and it is so obvious as she kept on asking about me..mm heee im honoured...he wanted to elaborate but i told him i didn't want to know so lets just change the topic..at one point of time i was hungry so i told him " sham i lapar ah u" n he answered this "makan ah sayang" heeheh but it was a blunder lah..and i just ignored it and continued talking about other stuff...then i ate my chocolate..ferero roche..*is that d correct spelling?*and he stopped talking to let me finish my food...then da bis then he said wah tk jemput...sheesh sham2...(dia sengaja ah)then he said that i was kewt lah...well i duno ah i dun remember EVERYTHING but it was fun talking just as FRENS..yes we do remember the past i admit..the gr8 times we had together; he did mention that when he pass the places we went to like tjc or the pasir ris chalet there he would always smile to himself n yes me too do smile when i pass d places we been together but we told ourselves we will move on..n we r...then after puting down the phone..he gave me another miss call on my phone at 445am...and i also gave a miss call to him ah...and he told me that when he got that he smiled...heee then he gave another miss call...i was too tired then that i ignored it...at 659am he gave another miss call which i ignored as i was getting ready for school..then the phone was silent and i was in school...at 420 pm like that sham gave me a call from his workplace which shocked me as it has been sometime since he called me in the evening..but i picked up and we talked...RUBBISH again heee....then we put down as he had to go for his row call..at 5+ he gave another miss call n i answered bck the same way..n we did it for like until 6+pm. i even msged him "wah eh bler u nk giv up seh?? nanti due2 tknk giv up bler nk game? cam ne ni..humph.." n then he answered by giving me another miss call!!n i did the same..in the end i was fed up i gave him a long...call....until he rejected which was at 644pm..since then he did not give me a miss call heee we r like two crazy KIDS.. well...the fun or crazy things ppl do..*winks*
in school, well u c i have this classmate of mine named edwin. mm apparently someone in my class; close fren of edwin told me indirectly that he likes me.*long story ah how dis fren told me*but we never talk b4(we r new classmates u c) so today i got the courage to talk to him in the lecture theatre..i asked him what school he was in and he said SGH. i didn't know what school that is so i asked what school is that?he said singapore girls school and some call it singapore gay school..RYT!!! i said...then he said serangoon garden secondary..so i asked where u live?serangoon he said..i asked so why r u in tp?n he answered after much thought to meet u ah...i was silent for awhile then i said wah so honoured heee n he said touched ryt? then we just kept quiet...:) mm isit true?u lose one u gain one...heeee...well dayah outs...*winks*
anyways remember i told you sham was gona call me last night.well he did at 1+ in the morning..and yes we talked crap heee..i accompanied him all the way till 430am as he was watching the soccer match between argentina and brazil the finals...and brazil won 4-1!!i was so tired today since my class started at 8am...haix...anyways..well some parts i remembered about our talk was that he said he was afraid the 'past' might happen again...u know the one between d 3 confused fools!!hehexxx but i told him nope don't worry i reassure you i won't let it happen...i do not know if he believes but well i said my part..he also said that his mum prefers me to 'd other girl' and it is so obvious as she kept on asking about me..mm heee im honoured...he wanted to elaborate but i told him i didn't want to know so lets just change the topic..at one point of time i was hungry so i told him " sham i lapar ah u" n he answered this "makan ah sayang" heeheh but it was a blunder lah..and i just ignored it and continued talking about other stuff...then i ate my chocolate..ferero roche..*is that d correct spelling?*and he stopped talking to let me finish my food...then da bis then he said wah tk jemput...sheesh sham2...(dia sengaja ah)then he said that i was kewt lah...well i duno ah i dun remember EVERYTHING but it was fun talking just as FRENS..yes we do remember the past i admit..the gr8 times we had together; he did mention that when he pass the places we went to like tjc or the pasir ris chalet there he would always smile to himself n yes me too do smile when i pass d places we been together but we told ourselves we will move on..n we r...then after puting down the phone..he gave me another miss call on my phone at 445am...and i also gave a miss call to him ah...and he told me that when he got that he smiled...heee then he gave another miss call...i was too tired then that i ignored it...at 659am he gave another miss call which i ignored as i was getting ready for school..then the phone was silent and i was in school...at 420 pm like that sham gave me a call from his workplace which shocked me as it has been sometime since he called me in the evening..but i picked up and we talked...RUBBISH again heee....then we put down as he had to go for his row call..at 5+ he gave another miss call n i answered bck the same way..n we did it for like until 6+pm. i even msged him "wah eh bler u nk giv up seh?? nanti due2 tknk giv up bler nk game? cam ne ni..humph.." n then he answered by giving me another miss call!!n i did the same..in the end i was fed up i gave him a long...call....until he rejected which was at 644pm..since then he did not give me a miss call heee we r like two crazy KIDS.. well...the fun or crazy things ppl do..*winks*
in school, well u c i have this classmate of mine named edwin. mm apparently someone in my class; close fren of edwin told me indirectly that he likes me.*long story ah how dis fren told me*but we never talk b4(we r new classmates u c) so today i got the courage to talk to him in the lecture theatre..i asked him what school he was in and he said SGH. i didn't know what school that is so i asked what school is that?he said singapore girls school and some call it singapore gay school..RYT!!! i said...then he said serangoon garden secondary..so i asked where u live?serangoon he said..i asked so why r u in tp?n he answered after much thought to meet u ah...i was silent for awhile then i said wah so honoured heee n he said touched ryt? then we just kept quiet...:) mm isit true?u lose one u gain one...heeee...well dayah outs...*winks*
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
29 june'05
well today is wednesday already!!!next week is already my term test!i didn't go to school today..well only for my french class i did ah since got quiz mah..it was okay ah..so basically wad happen today?
mm well today sham gave me another missed call using his prepaid number at 3+ in the morning..again at 805am. i was still sleepy then so i didn't give a damn..until he called from his office at 953 am.i picked up feeling sleepy and all..nad he knew...hee cox he asked where i was and i said i was at home then he asked tk gi sch?nope i said...then he said tgh tdo eh?then go continue ur sleep...then i just said ok bye...then i woke up at 11+am feeling so refreshed and i studied for my french..then i went to school and after i did my quiz..i felt tired and bored so decided to go home n skip my french lecture..at 520pm sham gave me a missed call again...n so i msged him...'eh2 i tau ah u suke nah num i..naik syok lak dikni eh hehe..tgh hujan lebat ni so tke care nanti kat boat yus 2..ape2 i m not d last person u saw..phew*winks*' then he gave another miss call at 531pm.this one i didn't bother and yet he gave another miss call at 630pm..after which he then called at 729pm using his home phone...it seems that he tk lepak nari wif his members like he used too...so we talked from 830- 930...well we talked rubbish basically..just as FRENS!!yes i admit there were some feelings there but nope strictly as frens...he even called me his best fren!!he said its because i know him well be it good AND bad..and that it is an honour to have me as a fren...wakakak...wad a joke...but true ah d part where he should b honoured man!!then it seem that he was goin to tawn again wif yana this saturday night well probably at east coast again...and he said this!wad eva opportunity comes in your way grab it!! haaaaa when he said this i laughed out loud...n he understood ah why i laughed...*if u understand too good..if not its okay* he said if u miss someone tell him n do not keep it to yourself..BULLSHIT!!u want me to tell u that isit to make u feel good..pi dah...:) he also told me that he always remembered the past but he has to move on too and do not want the same thing to happen again..yeah that's good sham..hopefully u mean what u say..and don't let anyone else be your victim.mm sometimes when i think of 'us' i do get hurt all over again..but life does not end there just cox u lose someone..other better ppl will come in your way...i m young too anyways..well he is gona call again later tonight n we will be talking crap again...dayah outs...
our song---> when i need you by rod stewart
nama timangan---> me: dolminah him: shamdol
mm well today sham gave me another missed call using his prepaid number at 3+ in the morning..again at 805am. i was still sleepy then so i didn't give a damn..until he called from his office at 953 am.i picked up feeling sleepy and all..nad he knew...hee cox he asked where i was and i said i was at home then he asked tk gi sch?nope i said...then he said tgh tdo eh?then go continue ur sleep...then i just said ok bye...then i woke up at 11+am feeling so refreshed and i studied for my french..then i went to school and after i did my quiz..i felt tired and bored so decided to go home n skip my french lecture..at 520pm sham gave me a missed call again...n so i msged him...'eh2 i tau ah u suke nah num i..naik syok lak dikni eh hehe..tgh hujan lebat ni so tke care nanti kat boat yus 2..ape2 i m not d last person u saw..phew*winks*' then he gave another miss call at 531pm.this one i didn't bother and yet he gave another miss call at 630pm..after which he then called at 729pm using his home phone...it seems that he tk lepak nari wif his members like he used too...so we talked from 830- 930...well we talked rubbish basically..just as FRENS!!yes i admit there were some feelings there but nope strictly as frens...he even called me his best fren!!he said its because i know him well be it good AND bad..and that it is an honour to have me as a fren...wakakak...wad a joke...but true ah d part where he should b honoured man!!then it seem that he was goin to tawn again wif yana this saturday night well probably at east coast again...and he said this!wad eva opportunity comes in your way grab it!! haaaaa when he said this i laughed out loud...n he understood ah why i laughed...*if u understand too good..if not its okay* he said if u miss someone tell him n do not keep it to yourself..BULLSHIT!!u want me to tell u that isit to make u feel good..pi dah...:) he also told me that he always remembered the past but he has to move on too and do not want the same thing to happen again..yeah that's good sham..hopefully u mean what u say..and don't let anyone else be your victim.mm sometimes when i think of 'us' i do get hurt all over again..but life does not end there just cox u lose someone..other better ppl will come in your way...i m young too anyways..well he is gona call again later tonight n we will be talking crap again...dayah outs...
our song---> when i need you by rod stewart
nama timangan---> me: dolminah him: shamdol
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
just another day of my life...
hie ppl...latest update here...
by now im sure u people are wondering wad is wrong wif dis dayah...is she okay??why still talking about him??i duno myself..i still do miss him and all..can't balme me yah..takes time..n dun worry i am dooing my VERY BEST to move on k!!
so on sunday he called me at 10pm..he used his hp num which he claimed to b prepaid..so i was shocked..but i picked up..n it didn't go well at all..he was outside it seems as the background was noisy.this was wad happened.--->my voice was low slow n tired
me: hello
him:hello, tgh uat pe?
me: im at home
him: ouh at home eh?asal suare gitu?
me: takde ape2 ah
him: tgh online eh?
me: a'ah
him: eh asal suare gitu seh?
me:y u care?
him: ouh ...its not that i care but y suare gitu?
me: yah since u dun care and i don't wana tell u so asal tanye lagik?
him: ok ah bye
me:bye and i put d phone down straight...
i duno if i was rude or not...but i didn't care about his feelings at dat time...then he gave me a missed call at 1016pm..i was like wads dat??so i gave him a msg at 11 plus pm.i msged him "wads up wif d miss call?m i suppose to call u bck then?niwae u r outside so i shant disturb u"n he didn't reply..
on monday; yesterday...he actually woke me up for school..at 745am..i was surprised really.we talked for awhile and he called me again after i bathed, b4 i went to class..he told me that he merana cox yana keeps on talking about me..sheesh...wads up wif dat gerl..but i dun blame her fully ah...we gerls always do have that 'wild thoughts' especially after what happened btw me n sham..(we were sorta together for awhile)..then at night b4 maghrib sham called me again..he had reached home..and he told me " yah, mak asked about u" he meant his mum ah..his mum asked asal dah lame tak dgr dari hidayah?mane dia?then sham actually said tak ah mak dier bz sekolah...mm byk nye bz sekolah eh...so i told sham oh so u call i sebab mak u tanye sal i ah ni...:)kalo tk tk call... well we had a gr8 time talking yesterday..i also talked to his mum for awhile..his mum was really nice...his mum asked me asal lame dah tak dgr?then i said si sham ah tu buat dayah marah...then his mum tanye asal ape dier buat?then i said heee tkde ape2 lah main2 je...then d mum said kalo dier buat ape2 kat dayah blang makcik makcik pukul dia...heee so kewt..then came maghrib n his mum said 'da maghrib dayah' so i told sham k ah put down d phone..and sham didn;t want to he wanted to talk still ...but i insisted then he called me back at 740pm..and wet alked till 830pm..mm we talked about alot of stuffs ah..we were like frens..i could kutuk him and all n yet he couldnt do aniting...wakaka..he told me dat its obvious my mum prefers u...he called me syg still n even tells me he syg me..(however in a hush tone; not wanting me to hear konon)he tells me still his heart is torn into 2..n i told him 'sham dun, u chose oready so stick to that one'..he asked me dis.do a gerl mean it when they say they gona leave u?i asked who said dat?he said yana...then my ans was simple..."mm i dun tink so...dier threaten aje...u tgk eh bler kiter together dier maseh carik2 u kacau2 kiter...beh da tunggu satu bulan utk u senang2 kape skg nak tinggalkan?dier bedek ah.."then i told sham u know ah d 2 of u memang padan ah for each other..due2 CONFUSED PPL..tak tau wad u guys want...heee then he said jgn ckp sal dier lagik...i tgh pikir lain bende...fine ah wadeva...mm then he had to go buy something for his mum..at 7 eleven, so i told him ok baik2 jln tke care.then he said taknak...kalo ape2 jadi kat i nanti i ckp u ah..then i said eh ape seh tk uat ape2...he said u ape yg i bobal last so mesti kene soal nye..then i said eh mepek ah...u jage baik2 ah...then we were arguing stupidly over dis taking cre ting..in d end i just say ape2 ah u...bye...then he said eh bye je?i said ye ah...nak ape lagik?then he kept quiet..then i was about to put dwn d phone then he said "u..n he whispered VERY softly i syg u"i pretend i didnt hear n said bye..n today he didn't call me the whole day...well not in the morning to wake me up until now...at 6+pm..mm...well i cant say much..i dun wan to disturb him...give him some space...dats d RIGHT thing to do...*winks*but i do miss him....:)
by now im sure u people are wondering wad is wrong wif dis dayah...is she okay??why still talking about him??i duno myself..i still do miss him and all..can't balme me yah..takes time..n dun worry i am dooing my VERY BEST to move on k!!
so on sunday he called me at 10pm..he used his hp num which he claimed to b prepaid..so i was shocked..but i picked up..n it didn't go well at all..he was outside it seems as the background was noisy.this was wad happened.--->my voice was low slow n tired
me: hello
him:hello, tgh uat pe?
me: im at home
him: ouh at home eh?asal suare gitu?
me: takde ape2 ah
him: tgh online eh?
me: a'ah
him: eh asal suare gitu seh?
me:y u care?
him: ouh ...its not that i care but y suare gitu?
me: yah since u dun care and i don't wana tell u so asal tanye lagik?
him: ok ah bye
me:bye and i put d phone down straight...
i duno if i was rude or not...but i didn't care about his feelings at dat time...then he gave me a missed call at 1016pm..i was like wads dat??so i gave him a msg at 11 plus pm.i msged him "wads up wif d miss call?m i suppose to call u bck then?niwae u r outside so i shant disturb u"n he didn't reply..
on monday; yesterday...he actually woke me up for school..at 745am..i was surprised really.we talked for awhile and he called me again after i bathed, b4 i went to class..he told me that he merana cox yana keeps on talking about me..sheesh...wads up wif dat gerl..but i dun blame her fully ah...we gerls always do have that 'wild thoughts' especially after what happened btw me n sham..(we were sorta together for awhile)..then at night b4 maghrib sham called me again..he had reached home..and he told me " yah, mak asked about u" he meant his mum ah..his mum asked asal dah lame tak dgr dari hidayah?mane dia?then sham actually said tak ah mak dier bz sekolah...mm byk nye bz sekolah eh...so i told sham oh so u call i sebab mak u tanye sal i ah ni...:)kalo tk tk call... well we had a gr8 time talking yesterday..i also talked to his mum for awhile..his mum was really nice...his mum asked me asal lame dah tak dgr?then i said si sham ah tu buat dayah marah...then his mum tanye asal ape dier buat?then i said heee tkde ape2 lah main2 je...then d mum said kalo dier buat ape2 kat dayah blang makcik makcik pukul dia...heee so kewt..then came maghrib n his mum said 'da maghrib dayah' so i told sham k ah put down d phone..and sham didn;t want to he wanted to talk still ...but i insisted then he called me back at 740pm..and wet alked till 830pm..mm we talked about alot of stuffs ah..we were like frens..i could kutuk him and all n yet he couldnt do aniting...wakaka..he told me dat its obvious my mum prefers u...he called me syg still n even tells me he syg me..(however in a hush tone; not wanting me to hear konon)he tells me still his heart is torn into 2..n i told him 'sham dun, u chose oready so stick to that one'..he asked me dis.do a gerl mean it when they say they gona leave u?i asked who said dat?he said yana...then my ans was simple..."mm i dun tink so...dier threaten aje...u tgk eh bler kiter together dier maseh carik2 u kacau2 kiter...beh da tunggu satu bulan utk u senang2 kape skg nak tinggalkan?dier bedek ah.."then i told sham u know ah d 2 of u memang padan ah for each other..due2 CONFUSED PPL..tak tau wad u guys want...heee then he said jgn ckp sal dier lagik...i tgh pikir lain bende...fine ah wadeva...mm then he had to go buy something for his mum..at 7 eleven, so i told him ok baik2 jln tke care.then he said taknak...kalo ape2 jadi kat i nanti i ckp u ah..then i said eh ape seh tk uat ape2...he said u ape yg i bobal last so mesti kene soal nye..then i said eh mepek ah...u jage baik2 ah...then we were arguing stupidly over dis taking cre ting..in d end i just say ape2 ah u...bye...then he said eh bye je?i said ye ah...nak ape lagik?then he kept quiet..then i was about to put dwn d phone then he said "u..n he whispered VERY softly i syg u"i pretend i didnt hear n said bye..n today he didn't call me the whole day...well not in the morning to wake me up until now...at 6+pm..mm...well i cant say much..i dun wan to disturb him...give him some space...dats d RIGHT thing to do...*winks*but i do miss him....:)
Sunday, June 26, 2005
mm i duno y im bothered..but i m sadly..
orite..its oready sunday!!so fast weekends gone..
well we are still contacting each other...he calls me dolminah...a term he used to call me..mm missed those days..on friday night..sham called me abt 759pm..since i wasnt at home i didn't pick up my hp..when i did msg him to say i reached home already..he didn't reply..only to find out that he was actually overnighting with yana somewhere..i got the information from yusri; sham's army colleague and 'bro'. i was shocked when yusri told me that..i was chatting with him then i asked how sham was and all that..then suddenly yusri was like " if u must know he is with that bitch overnightin somewhere"...and i LAUGHED!! can u believe it??instead of other feelings i thought that was farnie..yusri asked me why it was funny and i told him..only last week yana asked sham to overnight wif her at east coast and at that time i n yusri said NO!!he was not suppose to go..and sham didn't n yet a week after they did the 'plan' which was stopped by me n yusri..i admit i was affected after that..i was wondering wow!he works fast..in a week he can just do whatever he wants..but then again who m i?mm...
then on saturday sham didn't msg nor call me the whole day.. truthfully i was wondering why he didn't call..most girls might call just to find out why...but i guess i had my pride and i didn't call..then at 11pm, i was outside with my family at Zenath; a foodplace and he called..i was shocked but happy. i didn't pick up tho..Tawfiq, my bro did..he said sham just said hidayah ade?then fiq said dier kat toilet..then sham wanted to say to tell me to call him bck then he must have heard d noisy sounds outside cox later he asked tawfiq krg kat luar eh?fiq said yes then he asked dgn mama? fiq said ah..then he said o ok...then at 1115pm he called again...this time i picked up..
---> (i was laughing when i picked up the phone)
him: asal tgh ketawa mcm gitu?
me: huh?
him: asal ketawa mcm gitu?
me: oh tkde ape2 ah...(then both were silent)
me: eh sham i'm outside ah so can u call me like later2?
him: wad time?
me: wadeva ah...anytime...erm ard 12 gitu ah...
him: mm...ok ah(in a sad voice n i really mean sad u can hear it)
then b4 he could say aniting i said bye.. and he said bye
the thing is he didn't call at 12 tho..im thinking did he sleep or..he just felt dat i was avoiding him cox my tone wif him now is very different from b4..but d past few days i really was bz which is why i wasnt able to tok to him..wel niwael until now he has not called nor msg me again...i dunno if he will ever call me again..well just wait n see...i have to admit tho i do miss him...
well we are still contacting each other...he calls me dolminah...a term he used to call me..mm missed those days..on friday night..sham called me abt 759pm..since i wasnt at home i didn't pick up my hp..when i did msg him to say i reached home already..he didn't reply..only to find out that he was actually overnighting with yana somewhere..i got the information from yusri; sham's army colleague and 'bro'. i was shocked when yusri told me that..i was chatting with him then i asked how sham was and all that..then suddenly yusri was like " if u must know he is with that bitch overnightin somewhere"...and i LAUGHED!! can u believe it??instead of other feelings i thought that was farnie..yusri asked me why it was funny and i told him..only last week yana asked sham to overnight wif her at east coast and at that time i n yusri said NO!!he was not suppose to go..and sham didn't n yet a week after they did the 'plan' which was stopped by me n yusri..i admit i was affected after that..i was wondering wow!he works fast..in a week he can just do whatever he wants..but then again who m i?mm...
then on saturday sham didn't msg nor call me the whole day.. truthfully i was wondering why he didn't call..most girls might call just to find out why...but i guess i had my pride and i didn't call..then at 11pm, i was outside with my family at Zenath; a foodplace and he called..i was shocked but happy. i didn't pick up tho..Tawfiq, my bro did..he said sham just said hidayah ade?then fiq said dier kat toilet..then sham wanted to say to tell me to call him bck then he must have heard d noisy sounds outside cox later he asked tawfiq krg kat luar eh?fiq said yes then he asked dgn mama? fiq said ah..then he said o ok...then at 1115pm he called again...this time i picked up..
---> (i was laughing when i picked up the phone)
him: asal tgh ketawa mcm gitu?
me: huh?
him: asal ketawa mcm gitu?
me: oh tkde ape2 ah...(then both were silent)
me: eh sham i'm outside ah so can u call me like later2?
him: wad time?
me: wadeva ah...anytime...erm ard 12 gitu ah...
him: mm...ok ah(in a sad voice n i really mean sad u can hear it)
then b4 he could say aniting i said bye.. and he said bye
the thing is he didn't call at 12 tho..im thinking did he sleep or..he just felt dat i was avoiding him cox my tone wif him now is very different from b4..but d past few days i really was bz which is why i wasnt able to tok to him..wel niwael until now he has not called nor msg me again...i dunno if he will ever call me again..well just wait n see...i have to admit tho i do miss him...
Thursday, June 23, 2005
then today!!
today!!23rd june'05
well sham msged me early2 in the morning already...at 6+am..msg me saying hello good morning..still sleeping huh?:)my god stupid qn..then he called ard 620am probably to c if i was awake or not..then when i woke up ard 8 i replied his msg "mornin but its not good..niwae im up.." then he msged asking why not good? i didn't reply..then he ask again are u mad at me? so i replied y should i b mad at u?nak marah2 u pun da penat..tkde gunenye also what ryt do i have to be angry at u..then he replied haix...well these are the few imp msgs u should see.
he gave me a special msg abt u might not need me now tml or ever..but rmbr that if for a second..u feel lonely or upset im here for u..
me: ryt..i needed u when U could nvr b there 4 me..so thx 4 d msg vt i wun disturb u much..nanti org kate tergler2kan lagi...appreciate it tho:)
him: :(
me: asal sedih..isnt dis what u reali want..yana will make u hapy.. mm btw kirim salam pie 4 me..thx..
him: wateva lah u..haiz..gi ar msg sndri.. i ni kn uke sakitkan ati u..---> and i did msg yusri a special msg..wakakak
then i told him to call me as i was lazy to type2 which he did during my lunch break..then we were talking..then he said he sakit kepala and i slalu sakit kan hati dia cox i was sarcastic with him..so i said ah.." u kalo slalu u bobal ngan i, i sakit kan hati u i rase u jgn kal i ah then u takan sakit hati lagik..then i said skg u gi rest...sakit kepala kan..."then he kept quiet..then i ask dgr tak?then he said dgr then he said bye and put the damn phone down...konon showing ah dia marah...fuck him ah...
me: ape nie??asik frust2 je??i care about u pun u nak bingit2 kape??so what exactly do u want from me sham??
him: i dun mind u cre abt me i knw i hurt u twice.. i knw dat! bt if u aLready 4 give me y u stil sarcastic 2 me?! i treated u as my fren nt enemy..
me: sham..dulu lain sham.dulu kite mm..i jage hati u..skg..lain..kalo i, yah yg same i manje2 ngan u bt i can't do dat nw.its wrong. wad wil ppl tink?u wana hear dis ryt? yes, i love u stil i syg u.. bt dats jux frm me. n da show u hw much i lov u oso c wad i get..hurts..u dun anymre..if u r hurt im lyk dis, ur hurt is nt half as bad compared to mine so live wif it lyk hw im trying to cope 2. i suroh u rest cox u sakit pe.if u wana kol me i will pick up, bt accept hw i m towards u nw. bleh?
him: if u wana treat me as wat u treat me jz nw den i cant help it..u feel hurt so am i.. i dun wan 2 avoid frm u bt if u wan me 2 avoid u i respect ur decision..
me: u hurt?i tink its just guilt. Thx 4 understanding me for once..u pikir atleast i lyn u, kalo btol2 u pikir org nak layan a guy lyk u? i tk ckp i will avoid u kan. i said we cn b lyk last tym, u wake me up kal everyday. cume i lain je bobal..kalo u nk kol la.its up to u everyting is up to u, it oways has been
him: why should i call u if u treat me "badly"?
me: Mane ade bad?terkene ego ye marah kape?then i ask u wads d point of me being frens wif you after wad u did 2 me?bt i m. tadi i bobal ngan u u yg terase padahal i was jux being nice oni my tone was diff.so i assume u wun kol anymre..pls tke cre of urself N promise nt 2 tink much.b hapy.i tink u will la..
him: yah, will we be frens 4eva tanpa syarat?
him: i mean kita kwn pai bila2..blh?
me: i replied after a few hours yah...mm...
and since then we have been msging...mm....i duno if its a gd idea...bt everyting dat happens ade hikmahnye..:o)
well sham msged me early2 in the morning already...at 6+am..msg me saying hello good morning..still sleeping huh?:)my god stupid qn..then he called ard 620am probably to c if i was awake or not..then when i woke up ard 8 i replied his msg "mornin but its not good..niwae im up.." then he msged asking why not good? i didn't reply..then he ask again are u mad at me? so i replied y should i b mad at u?nak marah2 u pun da penat..tkde gunenye also what ryt do i have to be angry at u..then he replied haix...well these are the few imp msgs u should see.
he gave me a special msg abt u might not need me now tml or ever..but rmbr that if for a second..u feel lonely or upset im here for u..
me: ryt..i needed u when U could nvr b there 4 me..so thx 4 d msg vt i wun disturb u much..nanti org kate tergler2kan lagi...appreciate it tho:)
him: :(
me: asal sedih..isnt dis what u reali want..yana will make u hapy.. mm btw kirim salam pie 4 me..thx..
him: wateva lah u..haiz..gi ar msg sndri.. i ni kn uke sakitkan ati u..---> and i did msg yusri a special msg..wakakak
then i told him to call me as i was lazy to type2 which he did during my lunch break..then we were talking..then he said he sakit kepala and i slalu sakit kan hati dia cox i was sarcastic with him..so i said ah.." u kalo slalu u bobal ngan i, i sakit kan hati u i rase u jgn kal i ah then u takan sakit hati lagik..then i said skg u gi rest...sakit kepala kan..."then he kept quiet..then i ask dgr tak?then he said dgr then he said bye and put the damn phone down...konon showing ah dia marah...fuck him ah...
me: ape nie??asik frust2 je??i care about u pun u nak bingit2 kape??so what exactly do u want from me sham??
him: i dun mind u cre abt me i knw i hurt u twice.. i knw dat! bt if u aLready 4 give me y u stil sarcastic 2 me?! i treated u as my fren nt enemy..
me: sham..dulu lain sham.dulu kite mm..i jage hati u..skg..lain..kalo i, yah yg same i manje2 ngan u bt i can't do dat nw.its wrong. wad wil ppl tink?u wana hear dis ryt? yes, i love u stil i syg u.. bt dats jux frm me. n da show u hw much i lov u oso c wad i get..hurts..u dun anymre..if u r hurt im lyk dis, ur hurt is nt half as bad compared to mine so live wif it lyk hw im trying to cope 2. i suroh u rest cox u sakit pe.if u wana kol me i will pick up, bt accept hw i m towards u nw. bleh?
him: if u wana treat me as wat u treat me jz nw den i cant help it..u feel hurt so am i.. i dun wan 2 avoid frm u bt if u wan me 2 avoid u i respect ur decision..
me: u hurt?i tink its just guilt. Thx 4 understanding me for once..u pikir atleast i lyn u, kalo btol2 u pikir org nak layan a guy lyk u? i tk ckp i will avoid u kan. i said we cn b lyk last tym, u wake me up kal everyday. cume i lain je bobal..kalo u nk kol la.its up to u everyting is up to u, it oways has been
him: why should i call u if u treat me "badly"?
me: Mane ade bad?terkene ego ye marah kape?then i ask u wads d point of me being frens wif you after wad u did 2 me?bt i m. tadi i bobal ngan u u yg terase padahal i was jux being nice oni my tone was diff.so i assume u wun kol anymre..pls tke cre of urself N promise nt 2 tink much.b hapy.i tink u will la..
him: yah, will we be frens 4eva tanpa syarat?
him: i mean kita kwn pai bila2..blh?
me: i replied after a few hours yah...mm...
and since then we have been msging...mm....i duno if its a gd idea...bt everyting dat happens ade hikmahnye..:o)
mm well...what happened on wednsday..22 june '05
23rd of june '05.. as some of you have read..sham patched up with yana on the 20th; monday..haix...then he didn't call me until wednesday..AFTER I TALKED TO YUSRI on tuesday..so when he did call on wednsday he claimed he wanted to give me a few days b4 he called me but i felt that it was becox yusri talked to him that's why he called but yet he didn't want to admit it...apparently yusri didn't even know that he patched up wif her..he was shocked n angry when i told him..and when i told him that maybe this was what he really wanted?maybe now he knows he really loves yana?yusri said " love??wakakaka my toes are laughing" yusri even said i don't deserve to be treated like this...yusri is damn right!! the thing is everyone knows that..even i do..
so sham called me on wednesday, and he could actually ask me if i was mad at him!!he really is dumb!!we talked and i was very and i mean VERY sarcastic with him.
examples: a)he asked if we will meet seldom??i answered i taknak jumpa you ah kalau tak nanti satu dua hari tiba2 hati you terbuka balik kat i then you nak i balik...
b) he asked me if i was going out at night...i answered mana2 i nak gi skg ape you kisah...u sape kat i ni?
c) i asked yana kerja?then he said she was sick...so i said oh kat rumah ah ni?then he said tk tau ah...then i said matair pun tak tau??then he said dia cakap dia nak keluar..i said sakit2 pun keluar kape..and alot more lah..
then yesterday i was out at night and i didn't bring my hp...it seems sham now has a HP!!and he is using yana's number apparently..so he msged me...asking how i was..i didn't reply and all then he said nape diam?kalo taknak reply tkpe ah...still i ignored then he said yah nape diam??then he called my hp then house...and so did yana!!acting so nice and sweet ..nsging me saying 'dayah skg sham ada hp dah dia pakai num i so ape2 leh msg dier ah...i tkan nampak ape krg msg bab i kat umah...BULLSHIT!!!so basically dis couple msged n called me 5 times each yesterday...since i didn't bring my hp i didn't get it right?when i got home around 12+..i called sham...and guess what?the adik say he has not come home!!wakakakak!!!nak bohong tak tau bohong sak...cox he did call me from his house at 10+pm..haix...sham2...then a few minutes later he msged back asking kenapa dayah diam??obviously he was at home kan...sheesh, what childish behaviour is dat?k dats all for wednesday...
so sham called me on wednesday, and he could actually ask me if i was mad at him!!he really is dumb!!we talked and i was very and i mean VERY sarcastic with him.
examples: a)he asked if we will meet seldom??i answered i taknak jumpa you ah kalau tak nanti satu dua hari tiba2 hati you terbuka balik kat i then you nak i balik...
b) he asked me if i was going out at night...i answered mana2 i nak gi skg ape you kisah...u sape kat i ni?
c) i asked yana kerja?then he said she was sick...so i said oh kat rumah ah ni?then he said tk tau ah...then i said matair pun tak tau??then he said dia cakap dia nak keluar..i said sakit2 pun keluar kape..and alot more lah..
then yesterday i was out at night and i didn't bring my hp...it seems sham now has a HP!!and he is using yana's number apparently..so he msged me...asking how i was..i didn't reply and all then he said nape diam?kalo taknak reply tkpe ah...still i ignored then he said yah nape diam??then he called my hp then house...and so did yana!!acting so nice and sweet ..nsging me saying 'dayah skg sham ada hp dah dia pakai num i so ape2 leh msg dier ah...i tkan nampak ape krg msg bab i kat umah...BULLSHIT!!!so basically dis couple msged n called me 5 times each yesterday...since i didn't bring my hp i didn't get it right?when i got home around 12+..i called sham...and guess what?the adik say he has not come home!!wakakakak!!!nak bohong tak tau bohong sak...cox he did call me from his house at 10+pm..haix...sham2...then a few minutes later he msged back asking kenapa dayah diam??obviously he was at home kan...sheesh, what childish behaviour is dat?k dats all for wednesday...
Monday, June 20, 2005
a letter i gave him on 18 june '06
Norisham sayangku,
how r u today my dear?Perut masih sakit? Nak i baikkan?Mmm..i rasa i get straight to the point ajelah. i tulis surat eventhough i am right beside you cause i find that i can't say it out to you.So everything I wana say is in this letter okay sayang. I harap lepas baca surat ini, you tak akan bingit or apa2lah. It's just something which needs to be discussed. Muackxx..here it goes..
We got to know each other through a friend. Never did we expect the friendship to blossom to like and then love?? it's been 2 months+ and we've been through a lot together. At first, i never really wanted anything out of our friendship as you know i didn't want to be 'inlove' as i'm scared of well...getting hurt? Yet, you called me everyday and i kinda fell for you day by day. Unfortunately, you proved me right didn't you sayang? I was in love with you and you HURT me;I found out you lied to me twice---> you weren't really single at that time(well she did ask for the break up already and you accepted it but she was still thinking..so at ur point of view u were already single but not for her..)and also.... You also went back to her, leaving me alone at nights feeling stupid for letting myself fall for you. You always ask me why i like you. It's simply because you are honest with me(so far & i hope you really are being truthful to me) and that you care. You also try to please me hehe..i love you.. i sometimes wonder if you and i are really meant to be; you are my better half? Cause right now it sure feels like it. do you feel the same way?
Now, there seem to be alot of hurdles in our lives. And to me the two main hurdles are my dad and her. Yes, my friends who knows our story, tells me you are not worth it, i fell for the wrong guy. They look at your picture and tell me " dayah, what have you got to lose if you leave him?" But they don't understand that i didn't fall for your looks but you. I like how we make each other laugh and how we are there for each other ALWAYS. I like the way you talk into my ear..hehe..
Now, yana is still in this 'love picture' of ours. She claims she wants to be just friends. Abg, kalau dia nak jadi kawan aje kenape susah nah nak kasi you hp dia belikan tu?Dia nak kasi biler you go back to her lagi.Its crap ar..sorry to say. Then meeting you at nights to talk? Why not over the phone? Why not at a bright place? It's obvious what her intentions are. And i know you know it too deep down. I don't know if its true but idayu told me the other day; " i feel yana is just making your life hard with sham. Dia asik kacau sham since she can't get him so making you resah hati too. I feel dayah if you leave sham right now, yana might just go away slowly cause macam dia pikir alah dah takda challenge". That may be it i thought but i don't know...Then why does she have to tell you about the guys who is waiting for her? To make you jealous ofocurse. So, i can do that too right..cause there are things you don't know.. But why? What's the point of me wanting to make you jealous? To make you want me? Then our r'ship would be pointless. As you would want me simply cause you do not want the 'other guys' to have me. true? That day, we sort of fought when you asked if i sent anyone to beat her up. It's like you didn't trust me. I knew i HATED that bitch then. She is doing anything to seperate us!! I had a feeling it was just a story she cooked up cause one time orang nak pukul dia then now dah takda?? Wah and the people actually mentioned our names... So how come dah takda orang nak rembat lagi?? Just talking about her makes my darah go up sia..hehe..She is just too childish for me. I won't and don't blame her for hating me but her threatening me and doing what she did to me is too much!! Abeh you pula, masih nak jumpa dia semua. I'm not saying you can't but you should give both yourselves some time AWAY from each other b4 becoming friends. Cause one or both parties are still depressed over the break up.
Don't you agree? I taknak buat you fikiran syg but i just wanted you to know all this. I really care alot for you if you must know. Cuma kadang2 I tak paham kenapa decision you macam gini. Maybe you do know or not but i'm hurting inside alot with all these things happening. But i'm happy when i read this saying " It's better to hear the truths and be hurt than hear LIES and be happy". I'm happy cause atleast you don't hide from me about anything.
Hehe...Like you asked me yesterday. Why are you willing to go through all this with me? I do feel stupid you know kadang2 abg but I never really thought of leaving you. I felt all this was challenges. I admit i had doubts about us, even now writing this I do wonder if i wana go on with this 'game' and my head tells me to go away. I have better choices waiting. BUT my heart..haix..loves you 2 much? You pakai bomoh kat i eh?hehexxx.... You kate you are not torn into 2, you love me habis2 and you don't wana lose me, u also said that i would be a stupid guy if i lose you---> it's good to hear all this really...I know i tak erm ape tu " tepuk sebelah tangan"!
Ayang, ada banyak lagi yang terletak di hati I tapi untuk sekarang I cume nak cakap I kasi you dua solutions yang. One, you choose me and give space & time btw you and yana(tak call nor meet) I tak cakap tak boleh jadi kawan tau, but disappear from her life for now. Or 2, I give you space abg. I will leave you alone until you are really sure; meaning yana is just like any other of your 3 ex's. You realise you don't talk about them?You don't care about them. That is what i want...This is not a threat of me leaving you. I'm always here for you sayang. You will always be and is always on my mind. I love you alot...and i mean everything I say. I taknak paksa you on anything. I paham your situation. Love you abangku yang tersayang. Muackxx *winks*
how r u today my dear?Perut masih sakit? Nak i baikkan?Mmm..i rasa i get straight to the point ajelah. i tulis surat eventhough i am right beside you cause i find that i can't say it out to you.So everything I wana say is in this letter okay sayang. I harap lepas baca surat ini, you tak akan bingit or apa2lah. It's just something which needs to be discussed. Muackxx..here it goes..
We got to know each other through a friend. Never did we expect the friendship to blossom to like and then love?? it's been 2 months+ and we've been through a lot together. At first, i never really wanted anything out of our friendship as you know i didn't want to be 'inlove' as i'm scared of well...getting hurt? Yet, you called me everyday and i kinda fell for you day by day. Unfortunately, you proved me right didn't you sayang? I was in love with you and you HURT me;I found out you lied to me twice---> you weren't really single at that time(well she did ask for the break up already and you accepted it but she was still thinking..so at ur point of view u were already single but not for her..)and also.... You also went back to her, leaving me alone at nights feeling stupid for letting myself fall for you. You always ask me why i like you. It's simply because you are honest with me(so far & i hope you really are being truthful to me) and that you care. You also try to please me hehe..i love you.. i sometimes wonder if you and i are really meant to be; you are my better half? Cause right now it sure feels like it. do you feel the same way?
Now, there seem to be alot of hurdles in our lives. And to me the two main hurdles are my dad and her. Yes, my friends who knows our story, tells me you are not worth it, i fell for the wrong guy. They look at your picture and tell me " dayah, what have you got to lose if you leave him?" But they don't understand that i didn't fall for your looks but you. I like how we make each other laugh and how we are there for each other ALWAYS. I like the way you talk into my ear..hehe..
Now, yana is still in this 'love picture' of ours. She claims she wants to be just friends. Abg, kalau dia nak jadi kawan aje kenape susah nah nak kasi you hp dia belikan tu?Dia nak kasi biler you go back to her lagi.Its crap ar..sorry to say. Then meeting you at nights to talk? Why not over the phone? Why not at a bright place? It's obvious what her intentions are. And i know you know it too deep down. I don't know if its true but idayu told me the other day; " i feel yana is just making your life hard with sham. Dia asik kacau sham since she can't get him so making you resah hati too. I feel dayah if you leave sham right now, yana might just go away slowly cause macam dia pikir alah dah takda challenge". That may be it i thought but i don't know...Then why does she have to tell you about the guys who is waiting for her? To make you jealous ofocurse. So, i can do that too right..cause there are things you don't know.. But why? What's the point of me wanting to make you jealous? To make you want me? Then our r'ship would be pointless. As you would want me simply cause you do not want the 'other guys' to have me. true? That day, we sort of fought when you asked if i sent anyone to beat her up. It's like you didn't trust me. I knew i HATED that bitch then. She is doing anything to seperate us!! I had a feeling it was just a story she cooked up cause one time orang nak pukul dia then now dah takda?? Wah and the people actually mentioned our names... So how come dah takda orang nak rembat lagi?? Just talking about her makes my darah go up sia..hehe..She is just too childish for me. I won't and don't blame her for hating me but her threatening me and doing what she did to me is too much!! Abeh you pula, masih nak jumpa dia semua. I'm not saying you can't but you should give both yourselves some time AWAY from each other b4 becoming friends. Cause one or both parties are still depressed over the break up.
Don't you agree? I taknak buat you fikiran syg but i just wanted you to know all this. I really care alot for you if you must know. Cuma kadang2 I tak paham kenapa decision you macam gini. Maybe you do know or not but i'm hurting inside alot with all these things happening. But i'm happy when i read this saying " It's better to hear the truths and be hurt than hear LIES and be happy". I'm happy cause atleast you don't hide from me about anything.
Hehe...Like you asked me yesterday. Why are you willing to go through all this with me? I do feel stupid you know kadang2 abg but I never really thought of leaving you. I felt all this was challenges. I admit i had doubts about us, even now writing this I do wonder if i wana go on with this 'game' and my head tells me to go away. I have better choices waiting. BUT my heart..haix..loves you 2 much? You pakai bomoh kat i eh?hehexxx.... You kate you are not torn into 2, you love me habis2 and you don't wana lose me, u also said that i would be a stupid guy if i lose you---> it's good to hear all this really...I know i tak erm ape tu " tepuk sebelah tangan"!
Ayang, ada banyak lagi yang terletak di hati I tapi untuk sekarang I cume nak cakap I kasi you dua solutions yang. One, you choose me and give space & time btw you and yana(tak call nor meet) I tak cakap tak boleh jadi kawan tau, but disappear from her life for now. Or 2, I give you space abg. I will leave you alone until you are really sure; meaning yana is just like any other of your 3 ex's. You realise you don't talk about them?You don't care about them. That is what i want...This is not a threat of me leaving you. I'm always here for you sayang. You will always be and is always on my mind. I love you alot...and i mean everything I say. I taknak paksa you on anything. I paham your situation. Love you abangku yang tersayang. Muackxx *winks*
just my thought sfor the day...:(
mm...well what do you knw...shocking news...
sham patched up with yana AGAIN today...20th of june 2005..at night..apparently...he lied to me again...he went for rewang on saturday till sunday at 4+pm..i asked if yana was there and he said NO..then when yana called me today to tell me about the 'patch up' she told me yes she was there..haix..then today sham told yana to come meet him under his block then go to teh kao and then what??patched up...haix...im hurt , angry, and torn into pieces...but i can't cry...i guess this is a burden off my shoulders however also a great sense of loss to me...the loss you can understand then the burden; cox when we were together..yana keep on calling him and all..and i kept on thinking what will happen in the future if she keeps on calling...but now its over...i guess i'm not crying cause i'm tired of all this??i duno but i admit, i am hurt...ALOT!!
the reason they patched up was because...past few days they have been meeting and i guess sham tiba2 liked her back??he said to yana tibe2 i sygkan u balik...i duno what u are doin ah sham...but i knw i dun need a guy like u then...tho i do want u still if u cum bck ryt now sad to say...u tell me you love me...countless somemore...and u tell me it is stupid of you if u leave me...u will nvr go back to her...hati da tutop untuk dier...u had fun wif me always...haix...sham i wished i could believe all this...no wonder i always had doubts about what u said...i guess it was to warn me b4 hand...i love u sham but i guess u dun really noe d meaning of it...i cant say much...just hope u find ur happiness..
nice knwing u sham....
--> when u love a person doesn't mean u have to b wif dat person...
sham patched up with yana AGAIN today...20th of june 2005..at night..apparently...he lied to me again...he went for rewang on saturday till sunday at 4+pm..i asked if yana was there and he said NO..then when yana called me today to tell me about the 'patch up' she told me yes she was there..haix..then today sham told yana to come meet him under his block then go to teh kao and then what??patched up...haix...im hurt , angry, and torn into pieces...but i can't cry...i guess this is a burden off my shoulders however also a great sense of loss to me...the loss you can understand then the burden; cox when we were together..yana keep on calling him and all..and i kept on thinking what will happen in the future if she keeps on calling...but now its over...i guess i'm not crying cause i'm tired of all this??i duno but i admit, i am hurt...ALOT!!
the reason they patched up was because...past few days they have been meeting and i guess sham tiba2 liked her back??he said to yana tibe2 i sygkan u balik...i duno what u are doin ah sham...but i knw i dun need a guy like u then...tho i do want u still if u cum bck ryt now sad to say...u tell me you love me...countless somemore...and u tell me it is stupid of you if u leave me...u will nvr go back to her...hati da tutop untuk dier...u had fun wif me always...haix...sham i wished i could believe all this...no wonder i always had doubts about what u said...i guess it was to warn me b4 hand...i love u sham but i guess u dun really noe d meaning of it...i cant say much...just hope u find ur happiness..
nice knwing u sham....
--> when u love a person doesn't mean u have to b wif dat person...
Friday, June 17, 2005
a poem for him...
I hate myself for thinking of u
to d extent of not sleeping at times
I hate it when u make me laugh
& make my worries go away
I hate myself for wanting u close
whenever i c u
I hate myself 4 loving u
such that i cant leave u
I hate it when u hold me
I hate it when u whisper in my ear
I hate it when u kiss me
mm..i just hate YOU!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
mm y do dis 2 me syg..
gosh..sham is in camp today..he is on duty...miss u syg..
haix...yana ask sham out tml nite..dat is friday night to go overnight at eastcoast..together wif her adik n d adik's matair...and noe wad sham say?he MIGHT go...i told him i dun want him to go...go at night then overnight somemore for what??fuck?? why do u do this to me sham??u r one confused guy...why do u even have to think if u should go or not to 'tawn' wif her??people tell me to leave u..u are not worth it...n d sad thing is I KNOW HE ISN"T worth it but d heart is weak...i tols one of my frens i just need d strength to be able to forget him n i can just let him go...cox he like duno wad he really wants...no matter how much i tell him i'm always there for him...his fren yusri said
-->if he ask me my opinion, first thing i ask, "for fuck she want to ask u to overnight?"
sham tells me everything n i mean EVERYTHING.. dat is good really...his family members, frens,aunties all tell him to choose me so why are u still in denial??YOU like d attention isit from 2 girls??is that why u doing this??i rather know truths n be hurt then get lies from him yet am happy...but...haix...then he told me that he calls yana to get his hp back..fine ah then dat bitch yana say she dun wana give yet cox like i said at d previous entry she will only give him d hp when sham realises dat he lost a special person--->her... so she told sham to use her hp instead..ape nie!!!kalo gitu bler nak game??bler dat bitch is goin to let him go??do i have to suffer for long??i have frens telling me dat mebe yana is just making your life hard as she dun wana lose to me... if i give up on sham later she also like oklah nvm no more challenge already so i also go away lah...get it??god!!!if that is true....arrgggh....
i duno ah ...i dun wana think...but it always pops up in my head...i dread tomorrow night...cox if he goes...*crying*...sham i really hope u make a wise decision n fast....cox u might just lose both....
haix...yana ask sham out tml nite..dat is friday night to go overnight at eastcoast..together wif her adik n d adik's matair...and noe wad sham say?he MIGHT go...i told him i dun want him to go...go at night then overnight somemore for what??fuck?? why do u do this to me sham??u r one confused guy...why do u even have to think if u should go or not to 'tawn' wif her??people tell me to leave u..u are not worth it...n d sad thing is I KNOW HE ISN"T worth it but d heart is weak...i tols one of my frens i just need d strength to be able to forget him n i can just let him go...cox he like duno wad he really wants...no matter how much i tell him i'm always there for him...his fren yusri said
-->if he ask me my opinion, first thing i ask, "for fuck she want to ask u to overnight?"
sham tells me everything n i mean EVERYTHING.. dat is good really...his family members, frens,aunties all tell him to choose me so why are u still in denial??YOU like d attention isit from 2 girls??is that why u doing this??i rather know truths n be hurt then get lies from him yet am happy...but...haix...then he told me that he calls yana to get his hp back..fine ah then dat bitch yana say she dun wana give yet cox like i said at d previous entry she will only give him d hp when sham realises dat he lost a special person--->her... so she told sham to use her hp instead..ape nie!!!kalo gitu bler nak game??bler dat bitch is goin to let him go??do i have to suffer for long??i have frens telling me dat mebe yana is just making your life hard as she dun wana lose to me... if i give up on sham later she also like oklah nvm no more challenge already so i also go away lah...get it??god!!!if that is true....arrgggh....
i duno ah ...i dun wana think...but it always pops up in my head...i dread tomorrow night...cox if he goes...*crying*...sham i really hope u make a wise decision n fast....cox u might just lose both....
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
mm..
well 14 of june..so fast seh...3 more weeks b4 my term break...heee time passes so fast..
so yah, sham is sick today..pening kepala so he slept early..:( sayang dier...he called me at 745am to wake me up for school forgetting that today i start at 10am.i talked to him and slept back and he said he won't wake me up again later hee but then he called me again at 845am.wakaka then i was like ' eh ckp tknk call lagi?' then he said "ye ah beh rindu jadi call je ah asik tertengok2 jam bler nak 845" haix...so sweet....muackxx...wakakak..oh yah i can't forget the way sham sound me on d mrt to orchard...heee...he was standing infront of me then whispered in my ear..
" u sayang i?"
"u love i?"
"u nak jadi matair i?"
wakakak those were the words he asked...nak kater romantic tak seh...okay2 lah...haix...so now i duno if i should accpet him...y is it always like dat!!!i wanted him he went wif d biatch..now that i have him i am THINKING ??argghh....i guess im just waiting for the right moment...
he told me this...---> u r my gf while i m ur future bf..:) u guys get it?i miss him...he did say that i takot je satu hari u berubah hati..haix...well if he is afraid, what about me??
he told me yesterday when we talked on the phone from 11+pm to 2am..that he sayang me..he also said that i understand him and that at the moment i am the best!!
--*haix...frens just b happy for me yah...tho i knw what u r thinking...n seriously i know what i m saying and doing...
i'm outx..
so yah, sham is sick today..pening kepala so he slept early..:( sayang dier...he called me at 745am to wake me up for school forgetting that today i start at 10am.i talked to him and slept back and he said he won't wake me up again later hee but then he called me again at 845am.wakaka then i was like ' eh ckp tknk call lagi?' then he said "ye ah beh rindu jadi call je ah asik tertengok2 jam bler nak 845" haix...so sweet....muackxx...wakakak..oh yah i can't forget the way sham sound me on d mrt to orchard...heee...he was standing infront of me then whispered in my ear..
" u sayang i?"
"u love i?"
"u nak jadi matair i?"
wakakak those were the words he asked...nak kater romantic tak seh...okay2 lah...haix...so now i duno if i should accpet him...y is it always like dat!!!i wanted him he went wif d biatch..now that i have him i am THINKING ??argghh....i guess im just waiting for the right moment...
he told me this...---> u r my gf while i m ur future bf..:) u guys get it?i miss him...he did say that i takot je satu hari u berubah hati..haix...well if he is afraid, what about me??
he told me yesterday when we talked on the phone from 11+pm to 2am..that he sayang me..he also said that i understand him and that at the moment i am the best!!
--*haix...frens just b happy for me yah...tho i knw what u r thinking...n seriously i know what i m saying and doing...
i'm outx..
Monday, June 13, 2005
mm...just throwing everything out!!
well..i had a great weekend.met sham on saturday.
he was waiting under my block from like 11+am to 130pm.sape suroh datang siang nah..hee..he said d reason he went out early was cox yana was coming to his house to return all d things he gave her so he didn;t want to see her so he went out early..so after zohor we went out.first we went to eat at mcdonalds at bedok interchange. there we had a lot of laughter's..then there was one part where he asked me why i didn't pick up his call yesterday night..he gave 2 missed calls yet i still didn't pick up. i told him i didn't hear..then he said " i dah cakap dgn diri i kalo u tk angkat when i call one more time i taknak call lagik"..then in then end he called my house instead of calling my hp for the LAST TIME!! wakakak...so then he got me ah at home..then i told him " wakaka you can't live without me!!" and i was so touched when he said while smiling "must i say yes?"haix...feels good!! then we went to town; orchard..the trip on the mrt was mind boggling..he talked sweetly beside my ear..*cheeky laugh*then we went to buy our tickets to watch mr and mrs smith at lido...u guys have to watch!!!its good!!hee then we still had alot of time b4 d 725 pm show so we went walking ard town..we went to far east..he looked at shoes..i just followed..then at far east he popped the question " u nak jadi matair i?" outside a cd shop wakakaka so romantic sak ---> sarcastic smile.. well i just answered i duno.. then he ask y all dat i say when u da settle ngan yana then i tink of it...mm...
well what happened after dat sux!!yana msged me...
yana: haix nak elak dari i atlast nampak muker u!!patutlah ex tinggalkan!!--->>what d fuck!!
sham replied wif my phone: ape ko mepek!!
yana: aku dah nampak ko and aku blakang kau aje
sham: kalau kau pandai teka mana aku
yana: eh jgn suroh org laen msg kan ah sial!
then i jus told sham to ignore d msgs...god she really sppoiled our mood sak!!!n wad made me more furious was sham actually said "mm geram nye i..dier cakap dgn i lain dia buat dgn u lain tapi i tak rase ini bukan dia yang msg" my god!!ape dier baik nah kape pompan utk u... arggghh...
but after that we walked till we were so tired so we sat at the burger king below far east .. then there sham was playing with my hp and recording stuff..haha farnie sial..still keep the recordings...then after i prayed we proceed to lido..it was fun ah...after d show we met dayu at city hall int n went home..ard 11+pm...
then on sunday i met sham again and we went to city plaza as sham wanted to look at hp's. there was so many maids and banglah's there...heee...then we ate at kfc..there he asked me" will u always be here for me?what if u tukar hati kat orang lain?"then i went to neneks house and he went home..n he called me when he reached home...
---> will update u on d gerl tml...
he was waiting under my block from like 11+am to 130pm.sape suroh datang siang nah..hee..he said d reason he went out early was cox yana was coming to his house to return all d things he gave her so he didn;t want to see her so he went out early..so after zohor we went out.first we went to eat at mcdonalds at bedok interchange. there we had a lot of laughter's..then there was one part where he asked me why i didn't pick up his call yesterday night..he gave 2 missed calls yet i still didn't pick up. i told him i didn't hear..then he said " i dah cakap dgn diri i kalo u tk angkat when i call one more time i taknak call lagik"..then in then end he called my house instead of calling my hp for the LAST TIME!! wakakak...so then he got me ah at home..then i told him " wakaka you can't live without me!!" and i was so touched when he said while smiling "must i say yes?"haix...feels good!! then we went to town; orchard..the trip on the mrt was mind boggling..he talked sweetly beside my ear..*cheeky laugh*then we went to buy our tickets to watch mr and mrs smith at lido...u guys have to watch!!!its good!!hee then we still had alot of time b4 d 725 pm show so we went walking ard town..we went to far east..he looked at shoes..i just followed..then at far east he popped the question " u nak jadi matair i?" outside a cd shop wakakaka so romantic sak ---> sarcastic smile.. well i just answered i duno.. then he ask y all dat i say when u da settle ngan yana then i tink of it...mm...
well what happened after dat sux!!yana msged me...
yana: haix nak elak dari i atlast nampak muker u!!patutlah ex tinggalkan!!--->>what d fuck!!
sham replied wif my phone: ape ko mepek!!
yana: aku dah nampak ko and aku blakang kau aje
sham: kalau kau pandai teka mana aku
yana: eh jgn suroh org laen msg kan ah sial!
then i jus told sham to ignore d msgs...god she really sppoiled our mood sak!!!n wad made me more furious was sham actually said "mm geram nye i..dier cakap dgn i lain dia buat dgn u lain tapi i tak rase ini bukan dia yang msg" my god!!ape dier baik nah kape pompan utk u... arggghh...
but after that we walked till we were so tired so we sat at the burger king below far east .. then there sham was playing with my hp and recording stuff..haha farnie sial..still keep the recordings...then after i prayed we proceed to lido..it was fun ah...after d show we met dayu at city hall int n went home..ard 11+pm...
then on sunday i met sham again and we went to city plaza as sham wanted to look at hp's. there was so many maids and banglah's there...heee...then we ate at kfc..there he asked me" will u always be here for me?what if u tukar hati kat orang lain?"then i went to neneks house and he went home..n he called me when he reached home...
---> will update u on d gerl tml...
Friday, June 10, 2005
i'm confused about so many things..all i know is that i do like him..
haix...gosh dis really sux..well its d lives of 3 different people now..
ME--> how long has it been since i was 'single'. since 8 april 2004..i miss being myself..i miss not caring about how i look or how i am around people.i miss telling people who have heartbreaks or whatever.." tu lah sape suroh ade matair?tgk aku..relek je"..heee yeah gosh i miss myself man...Right now, since sham came into my life things change..I CHANGE!!i feel like i think alot about this 'things'..haix...i duno what im doin to myself...the good thing is my parents have accpeted sham and god im so happy about that..as for me, i am confused. i duno what i should do really..but one things for sure i do like him..
SHAM---> well what can i say about him??he calls me everyday be it at work or at home..once b4 i go to school once during my lunch break and twice when i reach home..:) he do care about me..he has called me his bakal matair...mm..*thinking*, he has told me HE LOVES ME ALOT.and he wants me, and he has told me he will never go back to d bitch . why?that i duno..I am happy to hear all this but i do have my doubts..that's why i'm taking it one step at a time..
D BITCH---> gosh just talking about her makes my darah go up sia!! well for the past few days she has been bugging me..calling and msging me all dat..in the end today, 10/6, when she msged me " dayah kalao pun u da dpt sham, yana kat sini hanya menanti sham sampai sham kembali"..i was pissed of cox she never understood that i have been telling her that me and sham are just frens!! so i replied to her "eh2 dgr sham n me KWN JELA PAHAM TAK!n plz stop kaling or msgin me la.i hav sch ok!!" i told her that..wah n guess what ppl she can actually reply me back this!!
yana: MARAHKAN I ASYIK CALL ATAU MSG MCM 2 AR I MRH U MSK DLM HDP SHAM DULU! DA TAU KAN DE MATAIR I DULU ABEH KENAPE GANGGU!
me: EH KO NAK MARAH AKU UAT APE AR!DAT TYM NE AKU TAU. DIE LANG AKU DIER SINGLE* which was true* KO PIKIR KALO AKU TAU AKU AMBIK DIE?IF ITS ANY1 FAULT ASK URSELF"
yana: KO JGN NAK TUNJUK TEROR KAT SINI!ABEH BLER DA DAPT TAU KNP MASEH MENGGATAL! MSH TERGILA2!
me: HAHA, SAPE YG TUNJUK TEROR NI.AKU RELEK YE.APE2 AR..KO CKPLAH APE KO NK CKP..AKU DA LANG KO APE YG PATOT DIBILANG. AKU DA MLS NK LYN..
yana: TAPI RAJIN APE LYN JANTAN!!BLAH AR..
yeah dis was how our conversation went..wah FUCK her sak!!!i felt like replying "beh ape? jeles ape aku rajin lyn jantan??nanti kiter kahwin dgn jantan pe bukan betina!!" but i controlled myself..argghh...damn her sak!!!BITCH!!!when i told sham abt dis even he was angry and he told me to msg her but i said no...let her think wadeva she wants ah..i dun wana b as childish as her...i mean i was not the one who tergile2 kan dier..YES I LIKE HIM..but when i found out he patched up wif her i did back off..i din pick up his calls or anyting...up to now it has always been him who keeps calling me!!!so best girl wins bitch!! then she has been complaining to sham that ade group of girls nak rembat dier...MEMANG PADAN MUKER!!but guess what peeps..she partly blames me!! ahahaha can u believe dat??sham asked me today?dayah have u done anyting wrong?then i was like huh?no...then sham told me the whole story about yana getting beaten up by this girls..and this people always mention my name n sham's..IM LIKE WTF!!
---*firstly eh tkde mase ah nk uat ni seme...im not a sore loser kalo sham choose u eh yana i will just have to face d facts even if it breaks my heart...
---* 2nd ly im wondering did u really get beaten up or just making it all up??to get attention from sham??cox seriously i don't fucking knw where u live nor where u work...i DUN GIVE A DAMN where u r at any time of the day..N I BLODDY HELL Do not knw how u look like!!so how m i suppose to send people to beat ur bloody body up!!even yusri, sham's fren, asked sham eh si yana ni btul ke just creating trouble??n i totally agree with yusri...
---* 3rd ly , gosh cinta tak leh dipaksa ah...i nvr stole sham away from u..u pushed him away with ur stupid attitude of wanting to control everything...sape tk fed up!!
damn i can go on about all the things i hate about u man ...but then it will be a waste of my energy..i'm thinking skali memebers sendiri yg pukul...or dier je uat crite...
haix...i duno ah...memalukan bdak2 madrasah dan yg berumur 17 tahun ye...arrgghh.....
i jus have to tabahkan hati ryt now...
ME--> how long has it been since i was 'single'. since 8 april 2004..i miss being myself..i miss not caring about how i look or how i am around people.i miss telling people who have heartbreaks or whatever.." tu lah sape suroh ade matair?tgk aku..relek je"..heee yeah gosh i miss myself man...Right now, since sham came into my life things change..I CHANGE!!i feel like i think alot about this 'things'..haix...i duno what im doin to myself...the good thing is my parents have accpeted sham and god im so happy about that..as for me, i am confused. i duno what i should do really..but one things for sure i do like him..
SHAM---> well what can i say about him??he calls me everyday be it at work or at home..once b4 i go to school once during my lunch break and twice when i reach home..:) he do care about me..he has called me his bakal matair...mm..*thinking*, he has told me HE LOVES ME ALOT.and he wants me, and he has told me he will never go back to d bitch . why?that i duno..I am happy to hear all this but i do have my doubts..that's why i'm taking it one step at a time..
D BITCH---> gosh just talking about her makes my darah go up sia!! well for the past few days she has been bugging me..calling and msging me all dat..in the end today, 10/6, when she msged me " dayah kalao pun u da dpt sham, yana kat sini hanya menanti sham sampai sham kembali"..i was pissed of cox she never understood that i have been telling her that me and sham are just frens!! so i replied to her "eh2 dgr sham n me KWN JELA PAHAM TAK!n plz stop kaling or msgin me la.i hav sch ok!!" i told her that..wah n guess what ppl she can actually reply me back this!!
yana: MARAHKAN I ASYIK CALL ATAU MSG MCM 2 AR I MRH U MSK DLM HDP SHAM DULU! DA TAU KAN DE MATAIR I DULU ABEH KENAPE GANGGU!
me: EH KO NAK MARAH AKU UAT APE AR!DAT TYM NE AKU TAU. DIE LANG AKU DIER SINGLE* which was true* KO PIKIR KALO AKU TAU AKU AMBIK DIE?IF ITS ANY1 FAULT ASK URSELF"
yana: KO JGN NAK TUNJUK TEROR KAT SINI!ABEH BLER DA DAPT TAU KNP MASEH MENGGATAL! MSH TERGILA2!
me: HAHA, SAPE YG TUNJUK TEROR NI.AKU RELEK YE.APE2 AR..KO CKPLAH APE KO NK CKP..AKU DA LANG KO APE YG PATOT DIBILANG. AKU DA MLS NK LYN..
yana: TAPI RAJIN APE LYN JANTAN!!BLAH AR..
yeah dis was how our conversation went..wah FUCK her sak!!!i felt like replying "beh ape? jeles ape aku rajin lyn jantan??nanti kiter kahwin dgn jantan pe bukan betina!!" but i controlled myself..argghh...damn her sak!!!BITCH!!!when i told sham abt dis even he was angry and he told me to msg her but i said no...let her think wadeva she wants ah..i dun wana b as childish as her...i mean i was not the one who tergile2 kan dier..YES I LIKE HIM..but when i found out he patched up wif her i did back off..i din pick up his calls or anyting...up to now it has always been him who keeps calling me!!!so best girl wins bitch!! then she has been complaining to sham that ade group of girls nak rembat dier...MEMANG PADAN MUKER!!but guess what peeps..she partly blames me!! ahahaha can u believe dat??sham asked me today?dayah have u done anyting wrong?then i was like huh?no...then sham told me the whole story about yana getting beaten up by this girls..and this people always mention my name n sham's..IM LIKE WTF!!
---*firstly eh tkde mase ah nk uat ni seme...im not a sore loser kalo sham choose u eh yana i will just have to face d facts even if it breaks my heart...
---* 2nd ly im wondering did u really get beaten up or just making it all up??to get attention from sham??cox seriously i don't fucking knw where u live nor where u work...i DUN GIVE A DAMN where u r at any time of the day..N I BLODDY HELL Do not knw how u look like!!so how m i suppose to send people to beat ur bloody body up!!even yusri, sham's fren, asked sham eh si yana ni btul ke just creating trouble??n i totally agree with yusri...
---* 3rd ly , gosh cinta tak leh dipaksa ah...i nvr stole sham away from u..u pushed him away with ur stupid attitude of wanting to control everything...sape tk fed up!!
damn i can go on about all the things i hate about u man ...but then it will be a waste of my energy..i'm thinking skali memebers sendiri yg pukul...or dier je uat crite...
haix...i duno ah...memalukan bdak2 madrasah dan yg berumur 17 tahun ye...arrgghh.....
i jus have to tabahkan hati ryt now...
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
pening loh
just thought i should add sham called me his bakal matair wednesday morning while we were talking on the phone...haix...he also added that he would not go back to yana..well that is good news right??but..erm..should i believe??i just leave it to what ever happens in the future...hopefully whatever decision i make it will be a wise one...mm......
mm i just wana relak likw what yusri told me to do;)
mm..its been some time aite since i wrote my entry..gosh so many things happening man!!and i don't know where or how to begin..so today's entry will be disorganised..whatever i remembered will be written down not in order..heee...
lets c...
mm well what have been happening to me since sunday...well nothing much really...just that..dat yana girl(sham's ex) has been bugging me day in day out...TK TENTERAM SAK!!latest news...---> it was on tuesday, yesterday 7th june..i was in class having my maths lesson...everything wad FINE until i got this number...guess what it was her...she gave me 4 missed calls in half an hour alone...then continued calling me at night..even gave me a message "hi dayah ape khabar?so amaciam hubungan u dgn sham??" WHAT D FUCK!! all this while it has never been me who message or call her but the other way round...haix..then when i didn't reply her message nor called her back, she gave me a message at 945pm,wakakak...here is how the message went."Dayah dgr sini..Me tk akn biarkan u rampas hak i..Sham 2 hak me..If he choose u, im gonna make sure u're not goin to b hapi..SORIE..N im not goin 2 give up 2 get him back.. Dats my promise.."
haaahhxxx, so wad??M i suppose to be scared or wad??apparently im NOT!!just pissed off.she's lucky im not d type of person who wana kenekan balik...and lucky that i don't wana get my FRENS involve or else..who d hell is she to threaten me sia..i was not the one who stole sham away from her...in fact i left sham; i didn't return his calls and ignored his calls when he patched up with her and yet sham wanted me back..so im so not in the wrong...tho i do knw that 'outsiders' will still look at me as d guy snatcher...YOU knw wad I DUN GIVE A DAMN ANYMRE!! as long as i have my family and friends...they r d most imp ppl in my life right now..even sham is not as imp as them...well not yet until he proves his status in my life..
mm sham pula calls me everyday like 3 or 4 times..i m not complaining about that part.tsk tsk.it just shows who is running after who... then sham called me his bakal matair when we talked on the phone wednesday morning..mm..i duno ah. im happy you knw..sort of but i am also confused. i don't know if i do want him as my bf..life's too complicated with him!heee..
i don't know lah...we see how it all goes...I KNOW I HAVE MY FRIENDS..
* cinta tidak boleh dipaksa, cinta tak akan datang kalau tak mencari, cinta tak akan dapat kalo tak diberi..*
lets c...
mm well what have been happening to me since sunday...well nothing much really...just that..dat yana girl(sham's ex) has been bugging me day in day out...TK TENTERAM SAK!!latest news...---> it was on tuesday, yesterday 7th june..i was in class having my maths lesson...everything wad FINE until i got this number...guess what it was her...she gave me 4 missed calls in half an hour alone...then continued calling me at night..even gave me a message "hi dayah ape khabar?so amaciam hubungan u dgn sham??" WHAT D FUCK!! all this while it has never been me who message or call her but the other way round...haix..then when i didn't reply her message nor called her back, she gave me a message at 945pm,wakakak...here is how the message went."Dayah dgr sini..Me tk akn biarkan u rampas hak i..Sham 2 hak me..If he choose u, im gonna make sure u're not goin to b hapi..SORIE..N im not goin 2 give up 2 get him back.. Dats my promise.."
haaahhxxx, so wad??M i suppose to be scared or wad??apparently im NOT!!just pissed off.she's lucky im not d type of person who wana kenekan balik...and lucky that i don't wana get my FRENS involve or else..who d hell is she to threaten me sia..i was not the one who stole sham away from her...in fact i left sham; i didn't return his calls and ignored his calls when he patched up with her and yet sham wanted me back..so im so not in the wrong...tho i do knw that 'outsiders' will still look at me as d guy snatcher...YOU knw wad I DUN GIVE A DAMN ANYMRE!! as long as i have my family and friends...they r d most imp ppl in my life right now..even sham is not as imp as them...well not yet until he proves his status in my life..
mm sham pula calls me everyday like 3 or 4 times..i m not complaining about that part.tsk tsk.it just shows who is running after who... then sham called me his bakal matair when we talked on the phone wednesday morning..mm..i duno ah. im happy you knw..sort of but i am also confused. i don't know if i do want him as my bf..life's too complicated with him!heee..
i don't know lah...we see how it all goes...I KNOW I HAVE MY FRIENDS..
* cinta tidak boleh dipaksa, cinta tak akan datang kalau tak mencari, cinta tak akan dapat kalo tak diberi..*
Sunday, June 05, 2005
mm its such a short happiness or isit i'm just being paranoid..
harlow...well today is already sunday 5th june..isn't that fast??
well lets c guess what people!!yesterday was 4h june right? it was me and sham's 2nd month FRIENDSHIP anniversary!!!wakakak...is there such a thing??woah!!just 2 months and i have went through alot with him...& i mean alot!! especially with the yana problem..
lets see, well yesterday i went to meet sham at his house around 2+pm..we didn't know where to go so we sat at the areas around his block.then he let me read his letter which was given by yana...OMG to know about it all...mmm...total heartbreak!!i didn't talk to him for like an hour, he apologised n yet i still shut up...then i thought lets not spoil the day..so then we went to eat at mcdonalds near the bedok reservoir there..there he took my hand n kissed it and said happy 2nd mth frenship anniversary ..heee....yeah it was a happy one at dat time..and then i went to his house to tompang sembahyang asar...---> *this is a mistake that i made.i should not have stepped in his house as my mum didn't let me go to his house..reason being me n him we are not even matair so tak manis perempuan masuk rumah lelaki..and yet i still went..to pray...though it was for a good reason still i feel i betrayed ibu..n i regret that...but after that we went to watch the soccer match at kallang..it started at 8..i met his 2 other brothers..asri and norman, his sister-in-law and his cousin.singapore won 2-0 to malaysia!!yippee!! when singapore scored d first goal he his brother and his cousin who was sitting in d same row as me all stood up and made noise...heee dat was farnie...then at the 2nd goal sham shouted "kalau goal aku cium!" at first i tot nothing of it ah..i was like ape2 ah dia nak buat..then suddenly singapore scored the 2nd goal and he KISSED ME!!on the cheeck ofcourse...heee i was shocked....i admit i smiled...but total shock!!!infront of his family??i just kept quiet then he tegur me he said " kan i dah cakap kalau goal i cium u.."then he smiled n i jus smiled back..then all of us went back home..it was a gr8 day ah saturday...the best 2nd month friendship anniversary..
then today..i got a call from his ex..she told me she got beaten up by a group of girls..i was shocked..she was crying and all...seriously i am not thinking about her getting beaten up part..but about myself..you see cox yana got beaten up she wana report it to the police...yana called sham's house just now and sham was not at home..he lepaks with his memebrs at tekau..so his mum answered..nad his mum told yana that yesterday sham was with me the whole day..she even told yana that i came to their house...damn!!if the police is on this case..and ibu and ayah finds out that i was at their house..they will blow...!!cox ibu told me not to go to his house as it is not nice for a girl to go there..some more me and sham we r just frens...nothing more..so why go there.that is what i am scared of.i do not want to involve my family..i love them too much and i don't want their good reputation to be ruined... i am so useless as a daughter...i m a bad daughter...:( this is just all that i am scared of..allah tolong lah aku...
right now all im thinking about is is he worth it?is he worth ruining my family's reputation...i should just leave him...just be friends..i can find a better one...aarrggghh!!!i love my parents...i feel i should tell them the truth...and mebe i will ....sham y must u make my life like this..in 2 months everything go haywire...
i hate myself.....
well lets c guess what people!!yesterday was 4h june right? it was me and sham's 2nd month FRIENDSHIP anniversary!!!wakakak...is there such a thing??woah!!just 2 months and i have went through alot with him...& i mean alot!! especially with the yana problem..
lets see, well yesterday i went to meet sham at his house around 2+pm..we didn't know where to go so we sat at the areas around his block.then he let me read his letter which was given by yana...OMG to know about it all...mmm...total heartbreak!!i didn't talk to him for like an hour, he apologised n yet i still shut up...then i thought lets not spoil the day..so then we went to eat at mcdonalds near the bedok reservoir there..there he took my hand n kissed it and said happy 2nd mth frenship anniversary ..heee....yeah it was a happy one at dat time..and then i went to his house to tompang sembahyang asar...---> *this is a mistake that i made.i should not have stepped in his house as my mum didn't let me go to his house..reason being me n him we are not even matair so tak manis perempuan masuk rumah lelaki..and yet i still went..to pray...though it was for a good reason still i feel i betrayed ibu..n i regret that...but after that we went to watch the soccer match at kallang..it started at 8..i met his 2 other brothers..asri and norman, his sister-in-law and his cousin.singapore won 2-0 to malaysia!!yippee!! when singapore scored d first goal he his brother and his cousin who was sitting in d same row as me all stood up and made noise...heee dat was farnie...then at the 2nd goal sham shouted "kalau goal aku cium!" at first i tot nothing of it ah..i was like ape2 ah dia nak buat..then suddenly singapore scored the 2nd goal and he KISSED ME!!on the cheeck ofcourse...heee i was shocked....i admit i smiled...but total shock!!!infront of his family??i just kept quiet then he tegur me he said " kan i dah cakap kalau goal i cium u.."then he smiled n i jus smiled back..then all of us went back home..it was a gr8 day ah saturday...the best 2nd month friendship anniversary..
then today..i got a call from his ex..she told me she got beaten up by a group of girls..i was shocked..she was crying and all...seriously i am not thinking about her getting beaten up part..but about myself..you see cox yana got beaten up she wana report it to the police...yana called sham's house just now and sham was not at home..he lepaks with his memebrs at tekau..so his mum answered..nad his mum told yana that yesterday sham was with me the whole day..she even told yana that i came to their house...damn!!if the police is on this case..and ibu and ayah finds out that i was at their house..they will blow...!!cox ibu told me not to go to his house as it is not nice for a girl to go there..some more me and sham we r just frens...nothing more..so why go there.that is what i am scared of.i do not want to involve my family..i love them too much and i don't want their good reputation to be ruined... i am so useless as a daughter...i m a bad daughter...:( this is just all that i am scared of..allah tolong lah aku...
right now all im thinking about is is he worth it?is he worth ruining my family's reputation...i should just leave him...just be friends..i can find a better one...aarrggghh!!!i love my parents...i feel i should tell them the truth...and mebe i will ....sham y must u make my life like this..in 2 months everything go haywire...
i hate myself.....
Thursday, June 02, 2005
yippee!!!I m HAPPY!!
woohoo!!!!guess wad people....
yesterday, well this morning actually...at 2 am on 2nd of june...sham called me and told me he has broken up with yana!!!!yippee!!!know how happy i was...though i was shocked at first..i mean hello...so early in the morning...didn't really expected it..heee....haix...am i so bad a girl??hmm...i dont care actually!he has broken up with her..yay!!but today he didn't call me except for morning..b4 i went to my first class...;( i m worried...& having wild thoughts like he met yana or something?he did say he was gona take his ez link but i dunolah,i wonder why...n i miss him.
niwae this saturday is our 2nd month anniversary of friendship...heee isn't it fast??feels like just the other day we met..know what?he got 2 tickets to watch a soccer match at the national stadium this saturday and guess who his mum told to bring..me!!!wakakak...duno why tho but im 'honoured' his mum thought of me?? haix...i really hope there will be a future for me and sham...
alright now about my life...i told you my parents have decided to accept sham right...yeah they do but somehow i feel like there is that friction between us..they do not wana talk much to me i feel and when they do talk there is that hint of edginess..i m really hurt but i have no say...*heartbroken* they r my family and they r the one who i wana turn to..but i duno right now i duno if i can...but i know deep down they do love me..ALOT!!*crying* Can't i have both??
:( Only time will tell...
I love you all...muackxx..
yesterday, well this morning actually...at 2 am on 2nd of june...sham called me and told me he has broken up with yana!!!!yippee!!!know how happy i was...though i was shocked at first..i mean hello...so early in the morning...didn't really expected it..heee....haix...am i so bad a girl??hmm...i dont care actually!he has broken up with her..yay!!but today he didn't call me except for morning..b4 i went to my first class...;( i m worried...& having wild thoughts like he met yana or something?he did say he was gona take his ez link but i dunolah,i wonder why...n i miss him.
niwae this saturday is our 2nd month anniversary of friendship...heee isn't it fast??feels like just the other day we met..know what?he got 2 tickets to watch a soccer match at the national stadium this saturday and guess who his mum told to bring..me!!!wakakak...duno why tho but im 'honoured' his mum thought of me?? haix...i really hope there will be a future for me and sham...
alright now about my life...i told you my parents have decided to accept sham right...yeah they do but somehow i feel like there is that friction between us..they do not wana talk much to me i feel and when they do talk there is that hint of edginess..i m really hurt but i have no say...*heartbroken* they r my family and they r the one who i wana turn to..but i duno right now i duno if i can...but i know deep down they do love me..ALOT!!*crying* Can't i have both??
:( Only time will tell...
I love you all...muackxx..
great fun!!
mm....well what happened today??
lets c went to school 9-12, then came home then went to school again for my cds; french at 4-7..
after that i met yusri and isham at long john silver's at bedok...the plan was to meet at 745 yet they were late and cam half an hour later...humphh!!..heee but when they came it was orite...im glad about one thing...yusri likes me....as in you knw like erm..as a 'gf to b' of his fren...---> dats imp ryt??its gd to b accepted by ur partners frens...mm?*thinking....
---? yeah d only reason how i could go out wif him was cox my parents let me..but i had to be home by 930pm..haix..u noe its gd that parents noe about this n also not good...cox u have sorta like a 'curfew' but u also dun reall yhave to hide anything from them.. when i had to go home sham din wana let go..saying so early...but he respected my parents decision..love him so much..heee..
niwae..then the three of us talked...and yusri kept on looking at me..my guess is that he was like judging me you knw...scary...after that we went to send yusri to his motor...then sham said he would send me home...so yusri said "dayah ko nak tompang tk?"then i said set ah...heee..he asked me thrice ah...wakakak it was fun ah with him...one things for sure..he really accepts me rather than yana...dats gd!!!!...hopefully can lepak again ah one day.:0)
orite now abt d prob...sham has said that he does not have any feelings for yana anymore!!!yippee!!!..and he wana break up already...i feel so happy!!!but at d same time guilty...but ppl tell me; even sham say its not my fault....i duno!!but yes im happy!!!sham got call me syg then told me to call him abg...of cox he said when u want too...haix....heee he calls me everyday like atleast 4 or 5 times...:) im happy
he has talked to his brothers and most said follow your heart and he has decided to break up with her...now he is talking to his best fren AIN.. and i duno what she will say...cox AIN knws yana...haix..i duno wad to do...i guess jus take it as it come and goes...
miss him oready...padahal aru jumpe...:) i guess ryt now my only concern is not to fall too deep for him..have to b careful...;)
lets c went to school 9-12, then came home then went to school again for my cds; french at 4-7..
after that i met yusri and isham at long john silver's at bedok...the plan was to meet at 745 yet they were late and cam half an hour later...humphh!!..heee but when they came it was orite...im glad about one thing...yusri likes me....as in you knw like erm..as a 'gf to b' of his fren...---> dats imp ryt??its gd to b accepted by ur partners frens...mm?*thinking....
---? yeah d only reason how i could go out wif him was cox my parents let me..but i had to be home by 930pm..haix..u noe its gd that parents noe about this n also not good...cox u have sorta like a 'curfew' but u also dun reall yhave to hide anything from them.. when i had to go home sham din wana let go..saying so early...but he respected my parents decision..love him so much..heee..
niwae..then the three of us talked...and yusri kept on looking at me..my guess is that he was like judging me you knw...scary...after that we went to send yusri to his motor...then sham said he would send me home...so yusri said "dayah ko nak tompang tk?"then i said set ah...heee..he asked me thrice ah...wakakak it was fun ah with him...one things for sure..he really accepts me rather than yana...dats gd!!!!...hopefully can lepak again ah one day.:0)
orite now abt d prob...sham has said that he does not have any feelings for yana anymore!!!yippee!!!..and he wana break up already...i feel so happy!!!but at d same time guilty...but ppl tell me; even sham say its not my fault....i duno!!but yes im happy!!!sham got call me syg then told me to call him abg...of cox he said when u want too...haix....heee he calls me everyday like atleast 4 or 5 times...:) im happy
he has talked to his brothers and most said follow your heart and he has decided to break up with her...now he is talking to his best fren AIN.. and i duno what she will say...cox AIN knws yana...haix..i duno wad to do...i guess jus take it as it come and goes...
miss him oready...padahal aru jumpe...:) i guess ryt now my only concern is not to fall too deep for him..have to b careful...;)