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Me.

I'm one of God's creation
A plain girl who realise her full potential is barely reached
Babysit, eating, sleeping and dancing is her best leisure ability
Loves her family & friends to bits
No life ahead without them in my life..
Currently 7hrs away from home
Right now loving the life she is leading in Adelaide only because there are so many things she got herself involved in..
And it is not worthless involvements, mind you..


Monday, June 20, 2005
a letter i gave him on 18 june '06

Norisham sayangku,
how r u today my dear?Perut masih sakit? Nak i baikkan?Mmm..i rasa i get straight to the point ajelah. i tulis surat eventhough i am right beside you cause i find that i can't say it out to you.So everything I wana say is in this letter okay sayang. I harap lepas baca surat ini, you tak akan bingit or apa2lah. It's just something which needs to be discussed. Muackxx..here it goes..
We got to know each other through a friend. Never did we expect the friendship to blossom to like and then love?? it's been 2 months+ and we've been through a lot together. At first, i never really wanted anything out of our friendship as you know i didn't want to be 'inlove' as i'm scared of well...getting hurt? Yet, you called me everyday and i kinda fell for you day by day. Unfortunately, you proved me right didn't you sayang? I was in love with you and you HURT me;I found out you lied to me twice---> you weren't really single at that time(well she did ask for the break up already and you accepted it but she was still thinking..so at ur point of view u were already single but not for her..)and also.... You also went back to her, leaving me alone at nights feeling stupid for letting myself fall for you. You always ask me why i like you. It's simply because you are honest with me(so far & i hope you really are being truthful to me) and that you care. You also try to please me hehe..i love you.. i sometimes wonder if you and i are really meant to be; you are my better half? Cause right now it sure feels like it. do you feel the same way?
Now, there seem to be alot of hurdles in our lives. And to me the two main hurdles are my dad and her. Yes, my friends who knows our story, tells me you are not worth it, i fell for the wrong guy. They look at your picture and tell me " dayah, what have you got to lose if you leave him?" But they don't understand that i didn't fall for your looks but you. I like how we make each other laugh and how we are there for each other ALWAYS. I like the way you talk into my ear..hehe..
Now, yana is still in this 'love picture' of ours. She claims she wants to be just friends. Abg, kalau dia nak jadi kawan aje kenape susah nah nak kasi you hp dia belikan tu?Dia nak kasi biler you go back to her lagi.Its crap ar..sorry to say. Then meeting you at nights to talk? Why not over the phone? Why not at a bright place? It's obvious what her intentions are. And i know you know it too deep down. I don't know if its true but idayu told me the other day; " i feel yana is just making your life hard with sham. Dia asik kacau sham since she can't get him so making you resah hati too. I feel dayah if you leave sham right now, yana might just go away slowly cause macam dia pikir alah dah takda challenge". That may be it i thought but i don't know...Then why does she have to tell you about the guys who is waiting for her? To make you jealous ofocurse. So, i can do that too right..cause there are things you don't know.. But why? What's the point of me wanting to make you jealous? To make you want me? Then our r'ship would be pointless. As you would want me simply cause you do not want the 'other guys' to have me. true? That day, we sort of fought when you asked if i sent anyone to beat her up. It's like you didn't trust me. I knew i HATED that bitch then. She is doing anything to seperate us!! I had a feeling it was just a story she cooked up cause one time orang nak pukul dia then now dah takda?? Wah and the people actually mentioned our names... So how come dah takda orang nak rembat lagi?? Just talking about her makes my darah go up sia..hehe..She is just too childish for me. I won't and don't blame her for hating me but her threatening me and doing what she did to me is too much!! Abeh you pula, masih nak jumpa dia semua. I'm not saying you can't but you should give both yourselves some time AWAY from each other b4 becoming friends. Cause one or both parties are still depressed over the break up.
Don't you agree? I taknak buat you fikiran syg but i just wanted you to know all this. I really care alot for you if you must know. Cuma kadang2 I tak paham kenapa decision you macam gini. Maybe you do know or not but i'm hurting inside alot with all these things happening. But i'm happy when i read this saying " It's better to hear the truths and be hurt than hear LIES and be happy". I'm happy cause atleast you don't hide from me about anything.
Hehe...Like you asked me yesterday. Why are you willing to go through all this with me? I do feel stupid you know kadang2 abg but I never really thought of leaving you. I felt all this was challenges. I admit i had doubts about us, even now writing this I do wonder if i wana go on with this 'game' and my head tells me to go away. I have better choices waiting. BUT my heart..haix..loves you 2 much? You pakai bomoh kat i eh?hehexxx.... You kate you are not torn into 2, you love me habis2 and you don't wana lose me, u also said that i would be a stupid guy if i lose you---> it's good to hear all this really...I know i tak erm ape tu " tepuk sebelah tangan"!
Ayang, ada banyak lagi yang terletak di hati I tapi untuk sekarang I cume nak cakap I kasi you dua solutions yang. One, you choose me and give space & time btw you and yana(tak call nor meet) I tak cakap tak boleh jadi kawan tau, but disappear from her life for now. Or 2, I give you space abg. I will leave you alone until you are really sure; meaning yana is just like any other of your 3 ex's. You realise you don't talk about them?You don't care about them. That is what i want...This is not a threat of me leaving you. I'm always here for you sayang. You will always be and is always on my mind. I love you alot...and i mean everything I say. I taknak paksa you on anything. I paham your situation. Love you abangku yang tersayang. Muackxx *winks*